I think my blogging days are coming to a close. As I type its the 19th of April and I am more than halfway through the Easter school holidays....and guess what? I am loving it! The sun is shining, I am getting as close to normal a nights sleep as is possible with a baby and a 5 year old, we are having fun and my daughter is loving her little brother so much. We do have our moments of course, life isn't perfect, time is in short supply and my to do list gets longer rather than shorter but hey ho thats just the way it is.
When I was in hospital my blog is what kept me going each day, I had time to kill and it seems that it kept people entertained too. But the biggest attraction of reading it I think was that everyone wanted to know what happened in the end. But this blog of course is more of a diary for me and as Alex turns 4 months old this Friday (where the hell did that time go?) it has served as a great record of events for his first few weeks of life for us to look back on in years to come.
A few weeks ago I got a lovely message from someone via an online message board that I go on sometimes. It was from a lady who was stuck in hospital with exactly the same condition that I had - same hospital, same consultant, same fertility treatment even. She was on Robert Watson Ward too - had been there a month with still 2 more weeks to go until her planned C-Section. I was amazed that she found me but she told me that Paula and Helen had given her the link to my blog and suggested she read it to help her through her long hospital stay. How lovely that those two midwives still remember me and are telling people to read the blog to help them too. Brought a lump to my throat it did. I messaged her back and wished her well. Fingers crossed all went well for her and she is now at home with her precious baby.
DH had his birthday and that night the clocks went forward. That was breakthrough week for Alex sleeping. For some reason the clocks changing coincided with him just waking once a night and he has been doing ever since. I know some babies sleep through the night from much earlier than him but I am really pleased with that. He is asleep by 7pm and goes through til at least 6am with just one feed a night now. I feel like a new woman!!!! And sometimes my body clock is waking me up before he does, and I no longer have to be in bed by 9pm. Mind you I still never see past 10pm, that would be far too daring........
We have had some stressful times with 'battle of the bottle'. We had tried everything, spent a fortune on 3 different types of bottle, 3 brands of formula, me leaving the house while DH tried to get him down him, you name it we have tried it. The baby boy just loves his boob too much. I was on the verge of giving up trying and resigned myself to breastfeeding forever but spurred on by the thought of having to cancel my girlie weekend in May I went on boob strike just last weekend. I expressed milk at every feed and despite him fighting the bottle for most of the Saturday, hunger kicked in and he started to take the bottle late afternoon. I carried on all day Sunday and he took it without fuss. Expressing every feed is such a faff though and it was okay while DH was home but yesterday with DD and Alex to look after on my own I thought sod this and cracked open the formula again. He still guzzled it down and this time didn't gag and spit it back out at me like I was giving him poison like he had before. So hopefully I have cracked it this time. I am feeding him by boob in the morning, at bedtime and in the night but bottle feeding in the daytime. Thank God, my nipples couldn't have taken much more constant pumping. For those of you who have never experienced an electric breast pump, just try putting the most tender part of your body in the hose of your Dyson vacuum cleaner and switch on. Grit your teeth for about 25 minutes and you'll get the idea.
I am still on the blood pressure tablets. Its not far off normal now but the doc is weaning me off them slowly.......all of that stress in my first couple of weeks after leaving hospital seems a distant memory, with my BP through the roof.
Alex has had his last lot of jabs today - no more until he is one year old now. And he went in his own big cot on Tuesday 5th April . In his room all on his own - I did feel quite emotional about it at first as it was strange not seeing him in with us but he really was too big for his moses basket and we are all sleeping much better now.
And he is such a delight to have. He chats and gurgles gibberish at us all the time (where does he get that from??) Last week he learned to giggle and laugh - its so funny to watch him. He can't turn over yet but he is very good at bum shuffling along on his play mat, the time is whizzing by so quickly we will be watching him crawl before we know it. I never thought I could love another child so much but all my friends were right - you just find as much love to give to a second child as you do with your first. I couldn't ask for much more really.
When DD was about 3 I used to take her to this yoga class for kids which in total honesty was a bit of a disaster as she didn't take to it but anyway there was another mum there who I used to chat to. One day we were talking and she shared with me that when she put her daughter to bed at night they used to tell each other 3 things that had happened that day that they were grateful for and gave thanks for. They did it every single day and it ended the day on a positive note even if the day hadn't been great. I thought that was a brilliant idea and I started doing it too. We don't do it every day but we do at least 3 times a week. DD often says to me 'mummy we haven't done the gratefuls!' Its really simple stuff like 'I am grateful having a lovely time with our friends' or 'for having a lovely lunch' or 'getting a smile from Alex' Sounds cheesy but if you feel like you have had a crap day and feel shattered it makes you pick out all the good stuff from your day. Sending a bit of gratitude out into the world can only be a positive thing in this day and age of moaning and whinging. ( I am not exempt either, I am very capable of a whinge when things aren't going my way sometimes)
So anyway, try it yourself, you never know you might like it........
Time to sign off now. I know I have a lot to be thankful for and I think myself lucky everyday. I am sending out a bit of love to some of my family and friends who have had a really terrible year for various reasons. You know who you are.
This time last year we were a family of three and just getting towards the end of the IVF cycle that created Alexander. On Saturday this week on the 23rd of April it will exactly a year ago that he was conceived. An embryologist performed a miracle for us that day and hand picked out the bit of me and the bit of DH that would ultimately create our baby boy. How amazing is that? And if you had told me then what the following 12 months would have in store for us I really wouldn't have believed it. Its been a bumpy ride.
So thats me done, bye for now.............thanks for reading.
Love Helen xxxxxx
Tuesday, 19 April 2011
Sunday, 3 April 2011
w/e 25th March.....bye bye Noel
Noel Edmonds gets the elbow this week. Deal or No Deal is deleted from the sky+ series link. It had to be done - good weather and at least 10 episodes backed up jostling for space with about a million of DD's Barbie movies and DH's Shed channel DIY nonsense. The Dream Factory hadn't given me the excitement of a quarter millionaire and I have been watching since hospital confinement back in November. Useful brain-dead TV to watch in the early days of having Alex at home with me sat on the sofa constantly feeding but now we have grown apart. I am sure Noel won't miss me.
Its a gorgeous week with the sun shining and the baby boy is starting to sleep better at night so its a joy to have some longer periods of sleep. He is still in the moses basket with me and DH at night but is a fairly quiet sleeper and doesnt disturb us much at all. Problem is at 14 weeks old he has doubled his birthweight and he is getting a bit big for it. I am very reluctant to put him in his own room yet - his cot seems massive compared to the moses basket. I am smitten by my little boy and I just want him with us a bit longer. DH is more practical and says the boy has to go in his big cot. I will try and string it out for another couple of weeks yet so long as he is not actually squishing his head and legs of course.
After the weekend away I feel a bit rested and relaxed and Monday morning yoga is lovely - Alex is smiley and gurgles on the mat and I almost manage all the postures. I whizz to Tescos after as the fridge is empty and Mum and Mike come to the rescue of the overgrown lawns. The dust is blown off the lawnmower after months of hibernation and I am surprised it doesnt break with the strain.
On Wednesday DH wakes up with the dreaded gunky eyes. He goes off to work but texts me updates throughout the day. In typical bloke fashion its VERY serious. Text: Eye verry red (he doesnt spell very well) Text: Cant see out of left eye. I text back 'Will you be okay to drive?' He texts back : Sure will be fine. Bit overdramatic then perhaps? I take Alex swimming and then I go to the docs for another BP check. I am still on the tablets after all this time but a low dose. Alex again chooses his moment to kick off in the docs and for reasons that I still do not know he wakes from his peaceful sleep and bawls and bawls in the waiting room. So of course by the time I actually see the doctor, my BP is not particularly low. 133/86 - not that bad but too high to come off the tablets. Back in 2 weeks. I check my phone - another text from DH - eyes bad, on way home. Lord help me. Note to self, stock up on anti-bac and send DH back to the spare bed for a couple of nights. When DH gets home his is eye is quite red to be fair but he won't go to the docs. He would actually have to be bleeding out of his eye sockets or something equally bad to actually go to the docs so instead we compromise and use the eye ointment that I was prescribed but only used for 2 days.
He is under strict orders to not touch or kiss any of us. The last thing I need is for the conjuctivitis to do the rounds in this house again.
He doesnt go back to work Thursday or Friday as the eye is very watery and obviously contagious. I am an expert in eye drop administration so I do all his drops wearing a disposable glove and triple handwashing. A little OTT but I am not taking any chances. The washing machine does overtime again with all the sheets, pillowcases and towels. The downstairs loo becomes the 'contamination room' and its for the use of DH only. DD is very amusing and knows the rules by now - no touching D-a-d-d-y (she is learning to read with phonics so every word she utters these days is spelt out loud). We are the eye gunk family she tells her nanny. Nothing wrong with his hands though so I make sure he does a few bits around the house while he is at home.
Business as usual for me though and I go out on Thursday and Friday as planned and leave him to it. By Friday afternoon the eye drops are doing their job and his eyes are starting to calm down.
On Friday morning we have a visit from the Father at our local church and we book a date for Alex's baptism. We don't go to church on a regular basis but do at special times of year - Christmas and all the village events organised by the church - fetes, parachuting teddies, harvest festival etc. I do feel slightly guilty asking for a baptism when we are not there on a regular basis and tell him this but he is very gracious and says a baptism is a gift from God and there is not a test or a checklist to complete in order to be eligible. Alex is very quiet and a good baby while we are talking. Father G strokes his head and blesses him before he goes.
We are indeed very blessed. Thankfully a much better week and its DH's birthday tomorrow (Saturday) so a good start to the weekend we hope.
Its a gorgeous week with the sun shining and the baby boy is starting to sleep better at night so its a joy to have some longer periods of sleep. He is still in the moses basket with me and DH at night but is a fairly quiet sleeper and doesnt disturb us much at all. Problem is at 14 weeks old he has doubled his birthweight and he is getting a bit big for it. I am very reluctant to put him in his own room yet - his cot seems massive compared to the moses basket. I am smitten by my little boy and I just want him with us a bit longer. DH is more practical and says the boy has to go in his big cot. I will try and string it out for another couple of weeks yet so long as he is not actually squishing his head and legs of course.
After the weekend away I feel a bit rested and relaxed and Monday morning yoga is lovely - Alex is smiley and gurgles on the mat and I almost manage all the postures. I whizz to Tescos after as the fridge is empty and Mum and Mike come to the rescue of the overgrown lawns. The dust is blown off the lawnmower after months of hibernation and I am surprised it doesnt break with the strain.
On Wednesday DH wakes up with the dreaded gunky eyes. He goes off to work but texts me updates throughout the day. In typical bloke fashion its VERY serious. Text: Eye verry red (he doesnt spell very well) Text: Cant see out of left eye. I text back 'Will you be okay to drive?' He texts back : Sure will be fine. Bit overdramatic then perhaps? I take Alex swimming and then I go to the docs for another BP check. I am still on the tablets after all this time but a low dose. Alex again chooses his moment to kick off in the docs and for reasons that I still do not know he wakes from his peaceful sleep and bawls and bawls in the waiting room. So of course by the time I actually see the doctor, my BP is not particularly low. 133/86 - not that bad but too high to come off the tablets. Back in 2 weeks. I check my phone - another text from DH - eyes bad, on way home. Lord help me. Note to self, stock up on anti-bac and send DH back to the spare bed for a couple of nights. When DH gets home his is eye is quite red to be fair but he won't go to the docs. He would actually have to be bleeding out of his eye sockets or something equally bad to actually go to the docs so instead we compromise and use the eye ointment that I was prescribed but only used for 2 days.
He is under strict orders to not touch or kiss any of us. The last thing I need is for the conjuctivitis to do the rounds in this house again.
He doesnt go back to work Thursday or Friday as the eye is very watery and obviously contagious. I am an expert in eye drop administration so I do all his drops wearing a disposable glove and triple handwashing. A little OTT but I am not taking any chances. The washing machine does overtime again with all the sheets, pillowcases and towels. The downstairs loo becomes the 'contamination room' and its for the use of DH only. DD is very amusing and knows the rules by now - no touching D-a-d-d-y (she is learning to read with phonics so every word she utters these days is spelt out loud). We are the eye gunk family she tells her nanny. Nothing wrong with his hands though so I make sure he does a few bits around the house while he is at home.
Business as usual for me though and I go out on Thursday and Friday as planned and leave him to it. By Friday afternoon the eye drops are doing their job and his eyes are starting to calm down.
On Friday morning we have a visit from the Father at our local church and we book a date for Alex's baptism. We don't go to church on a regular basis but do at special times of year - Christmas and all the village events organised by the church - fetes, parachuting teddies, harvest festival etc. I do feel slightly guilty asking for a baptism when we are not there on a regular basis and tell him this but he is very gracious and says a baptism is a gift from God and there is not a test or a checklist to complete in order to be eligible. Alex is very quiet and a good baby while we are talking. Father G strokes his head and blesses him before he goes.
We are indeed very blessed. Thankfully a much better week and its DH's birthday tomorrow (Saturday) so a good start to the weekend we hope.
Friday, 1 April 2011
19/20 March - our first trip away with Baby Boy
Well we all wake up in good spirits on Saturday morning......mini break time - yay! DD loves a mini break and is excited we are going on our holidays (even if only for one night). Suprisingly everything fits in the boot of my not-that-big car and we have a fairly uneventful one and three quarter hour journey arriving at about 10.30am. I used to go to Alton towers when I was a kid mainly because it wasn't very far from where I grew up. I have fond memories of school trips there too and riding the corkscrew rollercoaster which back in the 80's was the only upside down rollercoaster in the UK I think. I don't think we will be doing many white knuckle rides with a baby and a 5 year old - its the waterpark we are going for. The splash landings hotel is the sort of place I would have hated to go as a couple but with kids its just brilliant. You actually do feel like you are on holiday there - lots of brightly coloured displays (whats that giant deckchair all about?) , kids stuff to do, music and great service. We book a table for 6.30pm for dinner in the buffet - it'll be like all inclusive Antigua all over again except without the rum punch - bring on the bloated belly feeling !!!
Anyway we go to the pool first as we can't get into our room until after 3pm. DD is very excited but we are in the first aid office before she is barely wet as she cuts her foot on a sharp bit of pool edge. Its not serious but she likes to be a drama queen and takes some persuading to get back in the water despite having a big waterproof dressing on it. I sit and chill out with Alex in the buggy - he is sparko.Then me and DH take it in turns to go off with DD and then I take him in too. We get lots of oohs and aahs - he is cute in his baby wetsuit.
Afterwards we check into our room ( after riding the lifts with the music from captain pugwash which we didn't stop dancing to all weekend). Its smallish but fine and DD is on top of her bunk bed to try it out in seconds. Still I am wondering how much sleep I will get but hey its only one night. We go out and have an explore around the hotel and end up having a cheeky drink in the bar before we eat. There is a steel band and loads to keep DD busy so its really relaxing. We eat far too much at dinner (has to be done) and I have to restrain myself from actually tipping my head and drinking straight from the chocolate fountain. I did perhaps eat at least 5 too many marshmallows dipped in choc and left the table feeling far too full and ever so slightly sick. I am impressed with the quality of the food. What is it about buffets that makes you pile your plate with the oddest combination 'just to have a taste'? Or is just me praps? No I know I am not alone. We go and have a nosy at the other hotel next door which is a bit posher than splash landings - its lovely. DD loves the lift there too, its got spooky music in it and the enchanted garden restaurant has a big talking tree at the entrance. Sounds really tacky but its so well done you can't help but smile at it.
By 8.30pm Alex is getting cranky and DD is tired so we go back to our room. I am amazed that DD falls asleep within 10 minutes of getting into bed. By 9pm Alex is fed and in his moses basket sparko and DH is snoring next to me. Eh? must be 3 hours of swimming I think. Alex wakes for 20 mins at 3am to feed so I have had 6 hours sleep on the trot - the most in 12 weeks. And then as Alex doesnt wake until 7am and DD not until 7.45 ( that never happens) it is officially the best nights sleep in a long time. Perfect.
After a huge breakfast we check out and go to the pool again until early afternoon, before setting off home. We all feel sad to leave (including me who was doom and gloom about it last week) but we have survived our first family trip away with Alex. Bring on June and Center Parcs................can't wait.
Anyway we go to the pool first as we can't get into our room until after 3pm. DD is very excited but we are in the first aid office before she is barely wet as she cuts her foot on a sharp bit of pool edge. Its not serious but she likes to be a drama queen and takes some persuading to get back in the water despite having a big waterproof dressing on it. I sit and chill out with Alex in the buggy - he is sparko.Then me and DH take it in turns to go off with DD and then I take him in too. We get lots of oohs and aahs - he is cute in his baby wetsuit.
Afterwards we check into our room ( after riding the lifts with the music from captain pugwash which we didn't stop dancing to all weekend). Its smallish but fine and DD is on top of her bunk bed to try it out in seconds. Still I am wondering how much sleep I will get but hey its only one night. We go out and have an explore around the hotel and end up having a cheeky drink in the bar before we eat. There is a steel band and loads to keep DD busy so its really relaxing. We eat far too much at dinner (has to be done) and I have to restrain myself from actually tipping my head and drinking straight from the chocolate fountain. I did perhaps eat at least 5 too many marshmallows dipped in choc and left the table feeling far too full and ever so slightly sick. I am impressed with the quality of the food. What is it about buffets that makes you pile your plate with the oddest combination 'just to have a taste'? Or is just me praps? No I know I am not alone. We go and have a nosy at the other hotel next door which is a bit posher than splash landings - its lovely. DD loves the lift there too, its got spooky music in it and the enchanted garden restaurant has a big talking tree at the entrance. Sounds really tacky but its so well done you can't help but smile at it.
By 8.30pm Alex is getting cranky and DD is tired so we go back to our room. I am amazed that DD falls asleep within 10 minutes of getting into bed. By 9pm Alex is fed and in his moses basket sparko and DH is snoring next to me. Eh? must be 3 hours of swimming I think. Alex wakes for 20 mins at 3am to feed so I have had 6 hours sleep on the trot - the most in 12 weeks. And then as Alex doesnt wake until 7am and DD not until 7.45 ( that never happens) it is officially the best nights sleep in a long time. Perfect.
After a huge breakfast we check out and go to the pool again until early afternoon, before setting off home. We all feel sad to leave (including me who was doom and gloom about it last week) but we have survived our first family trip away with Alex. Bring on June and Center Parcs................can't wait.
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
w/e 18th march..... A totally s**t week
Well the title says it all really. On Saturday Alex's eye is still gunking but theres no sign of it in mine yet. I take DD to a birthday party just up the road and its every parents joy - 'drop off and leave'. Yay, several 5 year olds left to create mayhem and mess in someone elses house. And I am knackered having had a very poor nights sleep the night before. So I actually doze sitting upright on the sofa with Alex on my lap, DH on the other sofa flicking the paper. I go and collect her a couple of hours later and she has had a fab time. She also looks very cute as it was a girls only princess party and she has on lipstick, nailvarnish, hair all curled and a fake heart tattoo.
By the evening my eyes feel a bit sticky, I try to ignore it and we all go to bed. Terrible nights sleep - I wake about midnight and one of my eyes is gunked shut. Lovely. So I creep out of bed, get cotton wool to cleanse them, double wash my hands and antibac before getting back in bed just as he wakes for his first feed. This process is repeated 3 times through the night and by the morning one eyelid is so swollen its half open. Now I realise this is only conjuctivitis and not the end of the world but on top of the eye problems I already have its not good at all. I can't touch DD or DH for fear of infecting them and Alex only has it mildly so I try to handle him as little as possible (nearly impossible!) All the towels, bedding etc gets washed. We are due to visit friends for lunch today but we have to cancel.
I worry about stuff to do with my eyes and after trying to have a sensible conversation with myself to pull myself together I decide to ring eye casualty at Northampton General to see what they advise. Given my previous history they want to have a look at me rather than me just buying some eye drops over the counter. We drop DD off at my mums and DH takes me and Alex there (can't go without him incase he needs feeding of course) Thankfully its not too busy and I get seen within the hour. They take some swabs and check eye pressure etc and I get given a prescription for some eye ointment. I am reassured that I can continue to use my steroid eye drops too, they won't affect the conjunctivitis. Sorted...........
After another hideous night of eye wiping/handwashing/baby feeding etc I feed knackered on Monday morning and my eyes look really red - and the lids are bright red too now. If I had white hair I would be an albino I swear. I wear my sunglasses to do the school run and thankfully as it is actually sunny I don't look too much of an idiot. By late afternoon its apparent that I am allergic to the bloody drops as when DH gets in from work he does a double take. Looked like I have actually been burned around the eyes. I stop the drops - just hope 2 days of drops will be enough to get rid of the gunk and I just use cotton wool pads and cool water instead. That evening I go to my friends house for a meal and its a nice diversion although they all think my eyes look terrible its good to have a catch up and would you believe my first evening out since having the baby boy.
By Tuesday morning my eyelids look less red and puffy but the eyeballs themselves look like one of those comedy bloodshot halloween eyeballs. I feel wrecked and ever so slightly tearful. When I get my morning text from mum saying 'R U OK?' I well up. NO I AM NOT.......I don't text back. She phones me late morning after work and I have a good cry down the phone. 3 nights of crap sleep and dodgy eyes sends me over the edge. So after lunch I go down to her house and I lie on the sofa while she looks after baby boy. I feel better for having just an hours break. She antibacs the sink after I wash my hands for the millionth time, good job too. I get DD from school.
I forgot to mention while all of this is going on, I have workmen in the house fitting new windows and a front door. They have been at ours since 8am Monday morning. They must think I am some loony hormonal woman with mad red eyes. I show them the kettle and tell them to help themselves. I don't have time to make myself a cup of tea these days let alone copiing with tea-thirsty workmen. And we are out of white sugar ( what was I thinking? ) so they drink builders tea with 2 spoons each of finest soft brown demerara. They don't seem to mind.
By Wednesday I feel that I am coming back to semi-normal and take Alex to his swim lesson. I manage to crack a smile for the first time in a few days, miserable so and so that I have been. And the sun is shining which always helps to lift the spirits doesn't it?
This coming Saturday we are due to go away for the weekend and in actual fact I am dreading it. When we booked it back in January I kind of assumed the baby boy would be sleeping through the night by now and the four of us are all sharing a family room. We are going to Splash Landings Hotel at Alton Towers which normally would be great but I am now wondering how we will get any sleep......I manage to get some packing done though and feel quite prepared by Friday afternoon. All I need now is a small lorry to put everything we need in !!!! Small baby = shedloads of stuff.
I have my haircut on Friday afternoon while DD is at school. My hairdresser comes to the house as usual but Alex doesn't stop wailing the whole time she is here. We stop twice so I can pick him up and the rest of the time we just shout really loudly over him. The minute she leaves, he stops and falls asleep. Little buggar.
Well, there you go. Sorry for the 'woe is me' post, but what a rubbish week. You know me by now, I have to just tell it how it is.
So, tomorrow morning first thing we go off for our first mini-break. Wish me luck !
By the evening my eyes feel a bit sticky, I try to ignore it and we all go to bed. Terrible nights sleep - I wake about midnight and one of my eyes is gunked shut. Lovely. So I creep out of bed, get cotton wool to cleanse them, double wash my hands and antibac before getting back in bed just as he wakes for his first feed. This process is repeated 3 times through the night and by the morning one eyelid is so swollen its half open. Now I realise this is only conjuctivitis and not the end of the world but on top of the eye problems I already have its not good at all. I can't touch DD or DH for fear of infecting them and Alex only has it mildly so I try to handle him as little as possible (nearly impossible!) All the towels, bedding etc gets washed. We are due to visit friends for lunch today but we have to cancel.
I worry about stuff to do with my eyes and after trying to have a sensible conversation with myself to pull myself together I decide to ring eye casualty at Northampton General to see what they advise. Given my previous history they want to have a look at me rather than me just buying some eye drops over the counter. We drop DD off at my mums and DH takes me and Alex there (can't go without him incase he needs feeding of course) Thankfully its not too busy and I get seen within the hour. They take some swabs and check eye pressure etc and I get given a prescription for some eye ointment. I am reassured that I can continue to use my steroid eye drops too, they won't affect the conjunctivitis. Sorted...........
After another hideous night of eye wiping/handwashing/baby feeding etc I feed knackered on Monday morning and my eyes look really red - and the lids are bright red too now. If I had white hair I would be an albino I swear. I wear my sunglasses to do the school run and thankfully as it is actually sunny I don't look too much of an idiot. By late afternoon its apparent that I am allergic to the bloody drops as when DH gets in from work he does a double take. Looked like I have actually been burned around the eyes. I stop the drops - just hope 2 days of drops will be enough to get rid of the gunk and I just use cotton wool pads and cool water instead. That evening I go to my friends house for a meal and its a nice diversion although they all think my eyes look terrible its good to have a catch up and would you believe my first evening out since having the baby boy.
By Tuesday morning my eyelids look less red and puffy but the eyeballs themselves look like one of those comedy bloodshot halloween eyeballs. I feel wrecked and ever so slightly tearful. When I get my morning text from mum saying 'R U OK?' I well up. NO I AM NOT.......I don't text back. She phones me late morning after work and I have a good cry down the phone. 3 nights of crap sleep and dodgy eyes sends me over the edge. So after lunch I go down to her house and I lie on the sofa while she looks after baby boy. I feel better for having just an hours break. She antibacs the sink after I wash my hands for the millionth time, good job too. I get DD from school.
I forgot to mention while all of this is going on, I have workmen in the house fitting new windows and a front door. They have been at ours since 8am Monday morning. They must think I am some loony hormonal woman with mad red eyes. I show them the kettle and tell them to help themselves. I don't have time to make myself a cup of tea these days let alone copiing with tea-thirsty workmen. And we are out of white sugar ( what was I thinking? ) so they drink builders tea with 2 spoons each of finest soft brown demerara. They don't seem to mind.
By Wednesday I feel that I am coming back to semi-normal and take Alex to his swim lesson. I manage to crack a smile for the first time in a few days, miserable so and so that I have been. And the sun is shining which always helps to lift the spirits doesn't it?
This coming Saturday we are due to go away for the weekend and in actual fact I am dreading it. When we booked it back in January I kind of assumed the baby boy would be sleeping through the night by now and the four of us are all sharing a family room. We are going to Splash Landings Hotel at Alton Towers which normally would be great but I am now wondering how we will get any sleep......I manage to get some packing done though and feel quite prepared by Friday afternoon. All I need now is a small lorry to put everything we need in !!!! Small baby = shedloads of stuff.
I have my haircut on Friday afternoon while DD is at school. My hairdresser comes to the house as usual but Alex doesn't stop wailing the whole time she is here. We stop twice so I can pick him up and the rest of the time we just shout really loudly over him. The minute she leaves, he stops and falls asleep. Little buggar.
Well, there you go. Sorry for the 'woe is me' post, but what a rubbish week. You know me by now, I have to just tell it how it is.
So, tomorrow morning first thing we go off for our first mini-break. Wish me luck !
Sunday, 27 March 2011
sorry blog-readers
I have to apologise for the very delayed blog..........blame some lovely sunny weather ( I have been out too much ), a weekend away (more on this later) and a pile of ironing as tall as everest which I can no longer ignore..the ironing has to be tackled before we run out of clothes and the pile starts to spill out of my front door.
So I will update as soon as I can
xxx
So I will update as soon as I can
xxx
Sunday, 20 March 2011
w/e 11th March.......my little turtle
As I type I am pleased to report that DH hasn't actually cashed in any of his spare bed tokens for the last 3 weeks . You might remember that he is allowed 2 nights in the spare room. Well that just shows that Alex is improving at night even though I am actually starting to feel more tired. I think I am feeling it as its been about 11 weeks since I had a decent nights sleep and its taking its toll a bit. The downside is that I have to put up with 2 males in our bedroom 7 nights a week and all the burping and farting that comes with it. Think I might go and sleep with DD and leave them to it. Sadly I cannot do this as DH hasn't got the tools needed to feed the baby boy.
I have now tried a couple of times to bottle feed Alex with both formula and expressed breast milk but he is not co-operating with me at all. He wails and wails. I am feeling that I need a break from the constant boob feeding and it would be good to spend some time with DD on my own and leave him with DH. I will have to persist with this - it is quite different for a baby to feed from a bottle after being just breast fed for so long so a bit of re-training is needed......
The weekend passes by and me & DH are learning that there is not much rest to be had at the moment apart from in the evening when we make sure that both of them are in their beds by 7pm. At least then we get to eat a meal together and have some time in the evening without the little polluters (anyone watch 'The Wright Stuff' - channel 5 ?, very funny) needing our attention. Its not that we don't enjoy family time - of course we do but its taking a while for us to adjust to being a family of four instead of three, with a whole different set of needs.
Monday I started mum and baby yoga at quite a posh yoga studio near where we live. Such a lovely place, it would have been relaxing if it had been mum yoga rather than mum and baby yoga. Alex was a bit unsettled for the first half an hour but then settled down. I managed a few postures though. Nothing like a downward dog to crack a bit of tension out of your back and shoulders. Its an 8 week course so I am looking forward to next weeks session already.
Tuesday its time for another cranial osteopathy session for Alex. The horse whisperer lady calms the baby boy again and he gurgles through the session quite happily while she is seemingly stroking his head. £30 lighter this time but she says he wont need to come again for about 2 months. I think the treatment does affect him though as he cries and cries all afternoon. And as we are at a friends again as its Tuesday we all hear him. We are in serious need of ear plugs. BUT he has obviously worn himself out cos he goes to bed as usual at 6.30pm, is sparko by 6.45 and he doesn't wake until 2am.....woooo hoooooo. When I wake up to feed him I feel like I have had a full nights sleep (almost 5 hours as I was in bed at 9pm) After his milk he then goes until 6.30am........amazing.
And he does the same again on Wednesday night. This might be to do with me wearing him out at his first swimming lesson - little turtles. This is just my highlight of the week, its only 30 minutes but he loves it. I took DD when she was only about 3 months old too and it was by far the best activity I did with her. He wears the smallest cutest wetsuit you have ever seen and he smiles at me in the water. He does his first underwater swim too and isn't bothered by it at all, just c omes up with a suprised look on his face. DH comes in his lunch break to watch. Just before we go in the water he chooses to do a huge poo in his nappy (Alex not DH) Thank God he didn't do it in the water.
Thursday is pretty busy for me. He weighs in at the baby clinic at 11lb, 13oz, so almost 2lb in 4 weeks which isn't bad. I don't stay though afterwards as I am going to a friends house but I do feel slightly guilty and unsociable. Now I know I said that the village baby group was a bit dull and not for me but I think Alex is going to need some little friends as he gets bigger. I haven't got the network of new friends from NCT classes etc this time with babies. So next time I will stay and make the effort I have decided. I then go to my friends house for a couple of hours before going on to meet my new friend J ( mother of DD's future husband) for a long walk with the babes in prams. I definitely need the exercise but after the walk we go for lattes and scones with jam and butter so more than cancel out the calories burnt off walking. Never mind we tell ourselves - still breast feeding so we need the extra calories. Hmmm. Get home at 4pm, feed the boy and chuck something together for tea when DD and DH get back.
Its been a really good week, a bit more sleep for me and some interesting new things to do with Alex. DD has been really good and loving school. (and I have discovered the blogs spell checker - 50+ posts later and I finally find it)
Friday comes around again and I just pop into town to get some bits. When I get Alex out of his car seat he has been asleep but I notice rather a lot of yellowish gunk stuck to his eyelashes and some on his cheek. Oh shit..conjunctivitis. And of course I have been all over him, touching his face, hands and feeding him.
Watch this space.
I have now tried a couple of times to bottle feed Alex with both formula and expressed breast milk but he is not co-operating with me at all. He wails and wails. I am feeling that I need a break from the constant boob feeding and it would be good to spend some time with DD on my own and leave him with DH. I will have to persist with this - it is quite different for a baby to feed from a bottle after being just breast fed for so long so a bit of re-training is needed......
The weekend passes by and me & DH are learning that there is not much rest to be had at the moment apart from in the evening when we make sure that both of them are in their beds by 7pm. At least then we get to eat a meal together and have some time in the evening without the little polluters (anyone watch 'The Wright Stuff' - channel 5 ?, very funny) needing our attention. Its not that we don't enjoy family time - of course we do but its taking a while for us to adjust to being a family of four instead of three, with a whole different set of needs.
Monday I started mum and baby yoga at quite a posh yoga studio near where we live. Such a lovely place, it would have been relaxing if it had been mum yoga rather than mum and baby yoga. Alex was a bit unsettled for the first half an hour but then settled down. I managed a few postures though. Nothing like a downward dog to crack a bit of tension out of your back and shoulders. Its an 8 week course so I am looking forward to next weeks session already.
Tuesday its time for another cranial osteopathy session for Alex. The horse whisperer lady calms the baby boy again and he gurgles through the session quite happily while she is seemingly stroking his head. £30 lighter this time but she says he wont need to come again for about 2 months. I think the treatment does affect him though as he cries and cries all afternoon. And as we are at a friends again as its Tuesday we all hear him. We are in serious need of ear plugs. BUT he has obviously worn himself out cos he goes to bed as usual at 6.30pm, is sparko by 6.45 and he doesn't wake until 2am.....woooo hoooooo. When I wake up to feed him I feel like I have had a full nights sleep (almost 5 hours as I was in bed at 9pm) After his milk he then goes until 6.30am........amazing.
And he does the same again on Wednesday night. This might be to do with me wearing him out at his first swimming lesson - little turtles. This is just my highlight of the week, its only 30 minutes but he loves it. I took DD when she was only about 3 months old too and it was by far the best activity I did with her. He wears the smallest cutest wetsuit you have ever seen and he smiles at me in the water. He does his first underwater swim too and isn't bothered by it at all, just c omes up with a suprised look on his face. DH comes in his lunch break to watch. Just before we go in the water he chooses to do a huge poo in his nappy (Alex not DH) Thank God he didn't do it in the water.
Thursday is pretty busy for me. He weighs in at the baby clinic at 11lb, 13oz, so almost 2lb in 4 weeks which isn't bad. I don't stay though afterwards as I am going to a friends house but I do feel slightly guilty and unsociable. Now I know I said that the village baby group was a bit dull and not for me but I think Alex is going to need some little friends as he gets bigger. I haven't got the network of new friends from NCT classes etc this time with babies. So next time I will stay and make the effort I have decided. I then go to my friends house for a couple of hours before going on to meet my new friend J ( mother of DD's future husband) for a long walk with the babes in prams. I definitely need the exercise but after the walk we go for lattes and scones with jam and butter so more than cancel out the calories burnt off walking. Never mind we tell ourselves - still breast feeding so we need the extra calories. Hmmm. Get home at 4pm, feed the boy and chuck something together for tea when DD and DH get back.
Its been a really good week, a bit more sleep for me and some interesting new things to do with Alex. DD has been really good and loving school. (and I have discovered the blogs spell checker - 50+ posts later and I finally find it)
Friday comes around again and I just pop into town to get some bits. When I get Alex out of his car seat he has been asleep but I notice rather a lot of yellowish gunk stuck to his eyelashes and some on his cheek. Oh shit..conjunctivitis. And of course I have been all over him, touching his face, hands and feeding him.
Watch this space.
Thursday, 10 March 2011
w/e 4th March....eye see trouble.........
Still one more holiday day to go this week as Monday is an INSET day.What does Inset mean anyway? I have to be honest that I will find it much easier when DD is back at school. She is full on and wants to be doing something every minute of the day.
Theres a woman who lives down the road from us and she has 4 children and is about to have another. I wonder what half term was like in her house. I see her every day and she moves like she is on autopilot. How the hell she gets out of her house each morning with everyone dressed I do not know. Two of them are at school, one at pre-school and another in a pushchair probably about 2 years old. She always wears a hat (bed hair?) but looks smart enough and wears make-up and her kids all look clean and well dressed. She goes to school and drops the first 2 off, then she walks to the other end of the village to the pre-school and back. Then at 12 I see her power walking back up the road and back to collect the one from pre-school. Then again at 3pm she is doing the school run back home again. What will happen when her next baby is born I wonder everytime I see her - how will she find time to actually give birth? How did she find the energy to have sex in the first place to make this 5th baby? Actually all of it is none of my business but I like to be nosy. In fact I think I saw her in the scan dept of the hospital at her 20 week scan ( I was sat in a wheelchair waiting for the porter at the time and saw her from a distance so can't be 100% on this) so by my reckoning she must be due very soon. I feel like I should be knocking on her door and saying - "can I help at all because I only have 2 children and clearly have too much time on my hands" Or is she just mad - I love my two but have absolutely no desire to have any more. She must have the patience of a saint.
On Saturday Dad and WSM come for a visit. Its a good day, we have a nice lunch and DD is full of energy as usual.
Sunday is a total nightmare. We are woken by DD at about 6am shouting that she cannot open her eyes. I go rushing in thinking she is playing up but no she is telling the truth - one of her eyes is covered in gunk and is totally crusted over. Oh shit, its conjunctivitus. Caught from my firends little girl last week no doubt, I thought we had got away with it but no. Now I know its not the end of the world as most kids get this every now and again but for me it would be a disaster to get it. Because of my dodgy eye condition I have to put a steroid drop in my eyes every day and adding steroid to an infection like that is like fuelling a fire. My eyes would be in a right old state. So after I have cleansed her eyes with cotton wool we go antibac and handwashing crazy. All the sheets, pillow cases , towels etc go in the wash. On the advice of NHS direct we don't need the docs but go to a chemist who prescribes anti-biotic drops for her. Simple solution you would think. Err no. Trying to get the drops in her eyes is hellish. She screams the place down and hides, runs, whatever she can do to avoid it. We try being kind, bribing her,shouting at her, explaining patiently etc but nothing works. So we resort to brute force. DH holds her down while I prise her eyelids open to squeeze a drop in. She screams the place down and I wonder what the neighbours think we must be doing to her. And every 2 hours this is repeated. My nerves are frayed. She eyes the clock and constantly asks what time the next drops are. It a very unpleasant experience and I go to bed dreading the next day.
After more dreadful eye drop fights on Monday morning I phone the docs and get an appointment. There must something easier like an ointment that I can use. She can't be the first child to be scared of eye drops. DH goes to work and I cry before he goes. I didn't sleep well and am not sure how I will get the drops in on my own, look after Alex and keep them both happy all day. We go to the docs and the minute we get into the reception Alex decides he wants feeding (again) and screams the place down. He doesn't let up for a second and my boy has some serious lungs on him when he isnt happy. The doc is great though and even though we have to have a very shouty conversation over his screaming he tells me that DD's eyes dont look too bad and after just 2 more lots of eye drops today we can stop them and just bathe the eyes in cool boiled water. He has kids and also has been through the eye drop fight. And yes she can go to school tomorrow. Thank goodness. I was worried she wouldnt be allowed to go and how would I spend more days at home keeping her entertained. We leave the docs and of course Alex stops crying and promptly falls asleep in his pram again. Little buggar.
On Tuesday DD goes back to school and she virtually skips through the door with delight to be back. And I walk back home feeling like punching the air too. This makes me sound a very bad mother I know but as I hear various snippets of conversations such as ' thank god for that' and 'I couldn't cope with another day of those bloody holidays' and realise I am not alone. I bet Mother of nearly five is getting the flags out.
By the end of the week I am almost sane again and my house looks less of a wreck. While baby boy is asleep I can actually load the dishwasher, push the hoover around and even tidy up every now and again.
I am only up twice a night now too - about 1am and 4am.........progress.
I end the week on Friday with a very pleasant speed shopping trip with Alex and get everything on my long list (various birthday cards, 3 birthday gifts, back to nature feeding bottles, wrapping paper and a blind for the new bathroom), eat a sandwich, drink a latte and get home again without him even opening his eyes. Perfect.
See you next week x
Theres a woman who lives down the road from us and she has 4 children and is about to have another. I wonder what half term was like in her house. I see her every day and she moves like she is on autopilot. How the hell she gets out of her house each morning with everyone dressed I do not know. Two of them are at school, one at pre-school and another in a pushchair probably about 2 years old. She always wears a hat (bed hair?) but looks smart enough and wears make-up and her kids all look clean and well dressed. She goes to school and drops the first 2 off, then she walks to the other end of the village to the pre-school and back. Then at 12 I see her power walking back up the road and back to collect the one from pre-school. Then again at 3pm she is doing the school run back home again. What will happen when her next baby is born I wonder everytime I see her - how will she find time to actually give birth? How did she find the energy to have sex in the first place to make this 5th baby? Actually all of it is none of my business but I like to be nosy. In fact I think I saw her in the scan dept of the hospital at her 20 week scan ( I was sat in a wheelchair waiting for the porter at the time and saw her from a distance so can't be 100% on this) so by my reckoning she must be due very soon. I feel like I should be knocking on her door and saying - "can I help at all because I only have 2 children and clearly have too much time on my hands" Or is she just mad - I love my two but have absolutely no desire to have any more. She must have the patience of a saint.
On Saturday Dad and WSM come for a visit. Its a good day, we have a nice lunch and DD is full of energy as usual.
Sunday is a total nightmare. We are woken by DD at about 6am shouting that she cannot open her eyes. I go rushing in thinking she is playing up but no she is telling the truth - one of her eyes is covered in gunk and is totally crusted over. Oh shit, its conjunctivitus. Caught from my firends little girl last week no doubt, I thought we had got away with it but no. Now I know its not the end of the world as most kids get this every now and again but for me it would be a disaster to get it. Because of my dodgy eye condition I have to put a steroid drop in my eyes every day and adding steroid to an infection like that is like fuelling a fire. My eyes would be in a right old state. So after I have cleansed her eyes with cotton wool we go antibac and handwashing crazy. All the sheets, pillow cases , towels etc go in the wash. On the advice of NHS direct we don't need the docs but go to a chemist who prescribes anti-biotic drops for her. Simple solution you would think. Err no. Trying to get the drops in her eyes is hellish. She screams the place down and hides, runs, whatever she can do to avoid it. We try being kind, bribing her,shouting at her, explaining patiently etc but nothing works. So we resort to brute force. DH holds her down while I prise her eyelids open to squeeze a drop in. She screams the place down and I wonder what the neighbours think we must be doing to her. And every 2 hours this is repeated. My nerves are frayed. She eyes the clock and constantly asks what time the next drops are. It a very unpleasant experience and I go to bed dreading the next day.
After more dreadful eye drop fights on Monday morning I phone the docs and get an appointment. There must something easier like an ointment that I can use. She can't be the first child to be scared of eye drops. DH goes to work and I cry before he goes. I didn't sleep well and am not sure how I will get the drops in on my own, look after Alex and keep them both happy all day. We go to the docs and the minute we get into the reception Alex decides he wants feeding (again) and screams the place down. He doesn't let up for a second and my boy has some serious lungs on him when he isnt happy. The doc is great though and even though we have to have a very shouty conversation over his screaming he tells me that DD's eyes dont look too bad and after just 2 more lots of eye drops today we can stop them and just bathe the eyes in cool boiled water. He has kids and also has been through the eye drop fight. And yes she can go to school tomorrow. Thank goodness. I was worried she wouldnt be allowed to go and how would I spend more days at home keeping her entertained. We leave the docs and of course Alex stops crying and promptly falls asleep in his pram again. Little buggar.
On Tuesday DD goes back to school and she virtually skips through the door with delight to be back. And I walk back home feeling like punching the air too. This makes me sound a very bad mother I know but as I hear various snippets of conversations such as ' thank god for that' and 'I couldn't cope with another day of those bloody holidays' and realise I am not alone. I bet Mother of nearly five is getting the flags out.
By the end of the week I am almost sane again and my house looks less of a wreck. While baby boy is asleep I can actually load the dishwasher, push the hoover around and even tidy up every now and again.
I am only up twice a night now too - about 1am and 4am.........progress.
I end the week on Friday with a very pleasant speed shopping trip with Alex and get everything on my long list (various birthday cards, 3 birthday gifts, back to nature feeding bottles, wrapping paper and a blind for the new bathroom), eat a sandwich, drink a latte and get home again without him even opening his eyes. Perfect.
See you next week x
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